Student Relationship Seminar

Good day. This is the September 2017 relationship seminar presented by Schalk Reyneke. This seminar is for any person, whether in a relationship or not. We recommend you listen right to the end, where everything comes together. So you are all interested to know about relationships? Is that right, or is this the Audit 101 class? I'm at the wrong place. Okay, great.

It seems nowadays at this kind of event we have to start off with a bit of a disclaimer. There are two things that I have to make very clear – don't close the door yet, give me five seconds before you close the door, I have to say the disclaimer while the door is open.

The first is that tonight is based on Christian values. So if that didn't come across clearly in the invites you received and you have a problem with that, I fully understand if you don't want to associate with it, but it is going to be a lot based on Christian values. If you can't associate with that, it will be a problem for you.

The second is that the purpose of tonight is to focus on relationships, and specifically heterosexual relationships. That is the purpose of tonight. So we've got those two things established. I do appreciate and respect everybody's belief system, so if you want to leave based on those two things, you are welcome to do so.

I think I should quickly ask, who of you did not attend any of the Purpose Series sessions? Just raise your hand high. Okay, there's a lot of you. I would recommend you listen to them when you get the time – please do so. There's a lot packed into that which will be beneficial to you in terms of your relationships as well. But obviously I don't have time to go through all of that tonight.

I don't come with an agenda. I have no desire to try and convince you of anything. I will share with you truths and realities that work, and that is all I have to offer you. It is up to you what you do with it, but I'm not here to try and convince you of anything.

If you apply what I share with you, I can guarantee it will benefit your existing and future relationships. I can guarantee you that. What I have to offer, as I've said many times, remains the reality: I only have two things to offer you, and that is the Word of God and the Spirit of God. But it so happens that it is enough for what you need – it is sufficient. You don't need anything else; it will be enough. I will include some practical aspects based on my own exposure, but they are really just practical examples of things that are already in the Word.

My history and my past up to now have two components that have given me a lot of practical exposure and experience which I would like to share with you. The one is that I was a partner in an audit practice for many years, had my own business for twenty years, and during that time I dealt with many, many clients – more than what I would like to admit – who got divorced, from the financial and business side of things. The other is that my life changed radically eight years ago, and I have been in the privileged position over the last seven years to do hundreds of counselling sessions on a pastoral level.

So both my pastoral counselling exposure and my experience from the audit practice on the practical and financial side – I'll bring some of that in to give you exposure, because when I sit in front of a couple and we discuss their marriage, in most cases they only have their own marriage that they are involved in on that intimate level to reference. They might have people around them, but they don't necessarily know the detail and intricacies of what is happening in that marriage. Where I might have seen, say, a hundred people sit in front of me, seen the challenges, seen what caused it and seen the solution, it's just easier for me to share with you from that perspective rather than only from my own marriage.

The easy thing about relationships, and the realities I'll speak about tonight, is that you can test it. Look around you – not here, in your life in general. Look around and see who are the married couples that are happy and still good for each other. I'm assuming those are people you really know.

We stay in a state where a lot of people seemingly, from the outside, have everything in life – big houses, big cars, whatever – and everything looks fine. But when you meet them on a personal level, and especially when my wife ministers to some of the individual women who come to her, and you start speaking, then all of a sudden you realise it's all a facade. There's not happiness, there's not joy. To the world it looks fine, but what goes on behind those walls is a different story.

So that's why I say it can be tested. Look at the people you would see as people you can look up to, whose relationships and marriages are working, and you know they are working, not assuming – and then look at the principles they apply. So when we talk about this tonight, yes, there's a lot of theory, a lot of knowledge, but I'm going to make it as practical as possible, and it can be tested. It's not just things hanging in the air.

Can I quickly have 1 Corinthians 7:29? There are some men who have sent me messages, and I just want to say to them, I have good news for you. Just look at that.

“But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none.”

1 Corinthians 7:29 (NKJV)

Based on some of your messages, I think some of you would prefer to live as if you have no wife. Just joking.

I quickly want to jump to the end, and I want to ask: does it matter if it goes wrong? You could say, “What is so important about this relationship thing? I'll try it, and if it doesn't work, so what, I'll just try it with somebody else.” So why the whole issue about it?

I've already started talking a lot about marriage, and I know some of you are going to say, “Whoa, stop the bus, I don't actually want to talk about marriage.” I want to talk about relationship, because I know nowadays there are equally as many people who don't believe in marriage as there are who do, because they believe they can just stay together and it's easier – if things don't work out, at least we're not married.

Now I've got news for you on two counts, and I've mentioned it before. Firstly, legally, our law already protects somebody who has stayed together for a certain period as if they are married – the implications are exactly the same. So don't think that not being married is going to save you some money; it will cost you the same, financially speaking. And secondly, emotionally, and whatever else goes with it, if you have stayed together with somebody for seven years, whether you called it marriage or not, the implications are exactly the same.

For that reason, I'm going to talk about marriage. Whether you see it as having been in church and somebody announced you're married, or you're just staying together, I'm going to treat it exactly the same.

Now let's talk about divorce, because I want to talk about the scary stuff – the things that go wrong, and what that looks like. In this country, divorce statistics vary, but roughly more than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. So that means you've got a fifty-fifty chance.

People will say, “Well, so what, if it doesn't work I'll try it with somebody else.” But I can tell you, when you look at divorce statistics, that is only a statistic marking the end of a legal process. It by no means represents the real implication of the fact that the marriage didn't work.

You would be surprised – well, a lot of you would not, because maybe you've been through it yourself. I was certainly surprised, because before my life changed eight years ago and I started getting into this direction and doing pastoral counselling, there were things I was ignorant to, that I didn't know. I didn't know there was that much hurt, that much pain, that much imbalance, that much of a mess in so many people's lives, because you don't know – you just know your own little thing in your own house, and maybe a few people close to you. I never knew it was like this, even working with students and hearing what they have been through because of being in a house where there was a terrible relationship between father and mother.

So the things that happen if you get it wrong – and I'm speaking physically now – if you get it wrong and end up marrying the wrong woman or the wrong man, the implications are far more than a statistic of being divorced. I've sat in front of people where, in most cases – not all cases – the woman is the one who pays the highest price because of the physical strength of the husband. Make no mistake, there are husbands I've seen in counselling who have gone through much more trauma than the woman. But in most cases it is not that way round.

What makes a marriage that goes wrong different from something else that goes wrong – you go in a certain direction with your career and it goes wrong, you start a business and it goes wrong, you go professional in a certain sport and it goes wrong – is that with those it's much easier to just move on. One of the main things I've seen from marriages that went wrong is how long it takes for people to actually get out of it, because of the complications: there are children, joint financial responsibility, emotional attachments and baggage, guilt, and the Christian value system that says it's not right to divorce. And you get exposed to it every single day.

I think one of the greatest things in life is having a beautiful marriage – it's the way God designed it. But I think one of the worst things in life is being caught up in the wrong marriage, where every day it's like being in a prison you can't get out of. You walk into that house and there's this atmosphere, emotionally breaking each other down. There is abuse. Often there is alcoholism and drugs, and extramarital affairs, and many women get terribly abused in marriages. You would say, “If I'm ever in that situation, I will just walk out.” Seemingly everybody thinks so until they are in that situation, and then it's seemingly not that simple – it's this abuse, this breakdown, this continuous thing you just can't get out of.

And then the children get caught up in that. Statistics have shown that children who come out of a broken marriage have a much higher chance of also ending up in broken marriages. So all the implications of it – did you get the message that it's not worth it? Did I make it clear enough, or should I continue? Okay, you got the message.

And that's just talking physically – I'm not even talking about, like one of the guys who worked with me before, he was a financial planner, and whenever a client would say, “Yeah, I'm planning to get divorced,” he would say to them, “Where's your chequebook?” The client would say, “Why do you mean my chequebook?” He'd say, “Okay, this is very simple. Write out a cheque for 20% of the value of your assets to the attorneys. Then 80% is left. Then write out a cheque for 40% of the value of your assets for your wife. Now you are left with 40%. Is that okay?” So most people, looking at that – it's a pity that finances are the thing that convinces them – but from a purely financial perspective, if he ends up with 40%, in most cases he's actually lucky.

I want to say something very important, and I shared it during the Purpose Series as well. I'm going to share a lot of knowledge with you, but I'm going to try to make it practical. As you'll know from the Purpose Series, I shared a lot with you that there are a lot of people who have the knowledge, and then move from the level of just having knowledge to the level of the desire to implement that knowledge in their lives. But the actual people who do it and see it in their lives are a fraction – a small percentage of people.

Tonight I don't just want to share knowledge with you. I want to share the ways that you can ensure you actually live that knowledge. It mustn't be knowledge, it must be life, and there are very specific ways to do it. I will touch on that, because I don't want you to just end up with a whole lot of knowledge and not be able to live it in your life.

I think in a situation like this it's critical to say this: whatever I'm going to say tonight is not about condemnation. We're not here so that you can draw up a list of everything you have done wrong in your life up to now, or everything you are currently doing wrong in your relationship. That's not the purpose of us being here. We're not focused on the negative, on the wrongs. We are focusing on the solution, on the light, on the life, and that is the purpose. So if there are things you get a conviction about that must change, then so be it, but remember, that's not the aim.

Because I'm going to be very direct – this is why this is over 18. Is there anybody under 18 here? Nobody. Okay. So we're going to be very upfront. We're going to keep it transparent, we're going to keep it authentic.

Let's quickly talk about this thing called relationship. Now I'm really going to start speaking a lot from a Christian perspective and from what the Word of God says. The one thing you have to understand about relationships is that, according to how God planned it and according to the Word of God, any relationship you are in, you should only be in it if your intention is for that relationship to end up in marriage.

There are no examples in the Word of God of people jumping from one relationship to another, other than those who got criticised for it – like when Jesus said to the woman, when she said, “I don't have a husband,” He said, “You are right, the one you are with at the moment is also not your husband.” I'm not talking from a negative perspective, I'm talking about what was seen as acceptable. There was nobody who jumped from relationship to relationship, testing the waters, evaluating things – “Let's just try it out and see if it works.” There are no examples like that, so you must get the sequence right.

When we talk about relationships, you must understand this principle: you only enter into a relationship with the intention to marry. That means you must have a certain level of conviction already. Some things are slightly more challenging for me to speak about tonight, because I didn't expect that many people not to have attended the Purpose Series. But you have to understand there's a way you can have certainty when you enter into a relationship. You don't have to guess. When you are guided by the Holy Spirit, you will not enter into a relationship only to find out a year later that you should not be in this relationship, or that you are not going to marry that person. You can get that certainty. I'll get a bit more practical about that a little later on.

The reason all relationships should lead to marriage, and this is vital, is that God has an institution, a structure, a vehicle called marriage for a specific purpose that He wants to achieve. You must understand it starts with what God's intention is, and then God created a certain vehicle or structure, which is called marriage, and only through that structure can that purpose be fulfilled.

That's why it's important that we understand marriage is not optional. It is the structure God designed in order to fulfil a very specific purpose. And that is why we must understand that relationships should lead to marriage, and marriage is something very specific – it's a unique relationship between three parties: husband, wife and God. God is part of it, because it's something He instituted. There's no reason to get married if you don't believe you are doing it because of the structure that God put in place. It is based on His desire that that structure exists. The fact that governments followed after that, for practical and legal purposes, to legalise it in some form, is secondary.

That's not the primary aspect. You are not married because you have a piece of paper that says you are married. If you move in and stay with somebody and you have intercourse, you are married to that person. You don't need the government to tell you when you become married. Your physical interaction determines when you get married. That's why if you've stayed with somebody for six months, you have the same level of intimacy and commitment, physically and spiritually, as somebody who stood in front of the church and got married.

We need to understand that this is something God instituted, and obviously He has a certain aspect and form that He prefers. I'm not sure if you'll get it now, but maybe you'll get it towards the end: marriage is not only an institution and a structure, it is actually a life form. Keep that in the back of your mind, and it will maybe start making more sense as we continue. So why the need for marriage? I said this is something God instituted. He has a very specific purpose, so let's talk about that.

I'm going to cover a few things now that you may have heard many times in marital courses and at marriages and so forth. But listen, because I'm sure there are some angles to it that will speak to your heart. It's only once something is in your heart that it will be of significance. As long as the knowledge is external, or just in your mind, it's not going to affect change.

Remember what we said in Purpose Series: if you want to see different results — and in this case, if you don't want to end up part of the fifty percent statistics that get divorced, if you don't want to be part of the statistics that end up in a marriage or relationship where there is abuse, whether physical, verbal or emotional, if you don't want to end up in a divorce while there are small children — all of these factors, if you don't want to end up there, statistically speaking you've got a very good chance of ending up there unless you do something different from what the world does.

You know already that God said to us in Romans 12:2, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed." How? By the renewing of your mind. So there is knowledge that must come to us. I must embrace that knowledge, and then I must do things differently. If you don't go out of here and do things differently, you can't expect different results. You will get exactly the same results.

Let me say this, just in case you didn't realise it in terms of statistics: the divorce percentages I've spoken about don't seem to be much different for people who call themselves Christians. So don't think that those statistics only apply to people who aren't Christians — it includes just as many Christians. The percentages don't look much different. So something must change, because even that verse I just mentioned, Romans 12:2, says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind," that what?

“...that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Romans 12:2 (NKJV)

That means if we start thinking differently about marriage, gain new knowledge about how important it is and what God's purpose for it is, and I start acting according to the rules and prescriptions He gave — if I start doing that, I have an expectation that this institution, this structure, this life form called marriage will produce exactly the results God intended. I will not be one of the statistics, because acting consistently with the Word of God will produce the results the Word speaks about.

Make no mistake — I've shared this verse many times. The Bible says God is not mocked; whatever a man sows, he shall reap. I'm not talking about condemnation; I'm talking about spiritual laws at work. The Word always works, but it depends on what we do with it. It's not something that just by itself works. I must act on it, I must respond to it, and then it will work in my life.

So starting right from the beginning — this thing called marriage, what is it there for? God gave Adam a purpose and a task to complete. In simple terms we just say it was to be fruitful, multiply and fill the earth. Sounds like a very physical thing, but it was not so much the physical thing — it was much more the spiritual thing.

Now I'm going to change gears, and those of you who didn't attend Purpose Series, I trust you'll stay with me. God created man in His image and likeness. God's intention for creating man on earth — the reason it says He created man in His image and likeness — is that God wanted to procreate Himself into the earth. He wanted His life form to exist in the earth, and not only exist, He wanted His life form to take control of the earth. That was God's intention from day one.

But you know that Adam and Eve messed it up. They gave the authority to Satan, and with that authority he messed up everything, and that is why we are living in a broken world. The Word describes Satan as the god of this age, and describes this age we're living in as the evil age. So things are not looking the way God designed them.

But because His first Adam, whom He created to procreate Himself into the earth, messed it up, He had to come with a different solution — and that is why He sent Jesus Christ, and that is why the Word refers to Jesus Christ as the last Adam. Why is that? It's a certain life form. He's a life-giving spirit, and the intention with sending Jesus Christ — those of you who attended Purpose Series will know — Jesus did much more than pay for your sins. That was a means to an end. The reason He paid for your sins was only so that you could become one with God again.

That is why it explains to us in 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 that God was in Jesus reconciling the world to Himself, and then it says, "We have been entrusted with this ministry." What ministry? The ministry of reconciliation — not of sin, condemnation, judgment or religion. A ministry of reconciliation, which means to make us one with God again, to have His life form in us the way He intended right from the beginning.

And when we have this life form inside us, the intention is still exactly the same as when God gave Adam the task to fill the earth. God's intention was, "Fill the earth with My life form." Jesus came and gave us the same opportunity, the same command: "Fill the earth. Fill the earth with My life form."

So when God instituted marriage in the beginning, He gave Adam this task, and He looked at this guy and said, "Hmm, you're not going to make it. You're going to need some help." So He said, "Let Me create him a helper. When he gets distracted, when he keeps on fishing instead of doing what he should be doing, somebody needs to tap him on the shoulder and say, 'Don't you think we've got something to do?'" So God created Eve.

“And the Lord God said, It is not good, sufficient, satisfactory that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper meet, suitable, adapted, complementary for him.”

Genesis 2:18 (AMPC)

Now you have to get this part, because it's critical. Do you understand that the whole intention God had with creating the earth, creating man, and the way to execute and fulfil that intention — the structure and vehicle He gave to be able to fulfil it — was marriage? So marriage is not this small thing. It is not this by-product. It is not this legal thing, just to sign a piece of paper. It is something God gave to be able to fulfil His purpose in the earth.

If you understand that, you will understand that there is something embedded in it. It's not the physical thing. It's not the way the world looks at it. There is something spiritual going on, and that's why I say it's not a structure — it is a life form. It is an ability God made available to us to fulfil His purpose. That's serious. And if we understand that this is what marriage is all about, we will understand that it's not optional. It's not optional to be in marriage, and it's not optional for it to work. It must work — that is God's intention, because through it we can fulfil His purpose. There are obviously ways to do it, and I'll get to the practical side shortly.

Speaking about this structure — we can sit and say Adam and Eve messed up the world, and a separation came, because that is what happened. Because of the sin Adam and Eve committed, separation took place between them and God, and that is why the descendants of Adam and Eve, born physically into this world, are born separated from God. That is why there is spiritual death. God said to Adam and Eve, "If you eat of this fruit, you shall surely die." They ate of it. They didn't die physically, but what happened? They died spiritually, and spiritual death is separation from God.

So what did Jesus come and do? Jesus gave us the ability to get that life form again. That is why the only way you can go to heaven is to be born again. Jesus said in John 3:3, "Unless you are born again, you will never see the Kingdom of God." Not because you go to church, you live right, you do good, you have no sin — none of that. You have to have that life form. That's what it's about. You have to have that life form inside of you, and that is what takes you into the Kingdom. That is the way God made available, and through the way He did it, marriage actually symbolises and simulates the relationship we have with God.

If you receive the life form of God, as John 3:3 says, when you become born again — Romans 10:9-10 explains how you become born again. You believe that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, died for you and was resurrected.

“...with the heart you believe unto righteousness, with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

Romans 10:10 (NKJV)

When you do that and become born again — which literally means you receive the life form of God inside of you — you know what the amazing thing is? The fact that you become one with God gives you the ability to give life. You can replicate God. You can recreate God. Is that a bit too heavy for some of you? Because if you have that life form inside of you, the moment you become born again, it's the most amazing thing. You don't have to go and study for seven years. The moment you become born again, you have the ability to make somebody else born again — well, I say "make," I mean give them the opportunity, because it's always a choice. That is why not everybody is going to heaven, because you have to choose it. It's an opportunity presented to you.

Even in the Old Testament, God says, "I put in front of you life and death." I've explained before, God doesn't put death — He puts life, but the absence of life is death. If we don't choose life, there is death. It's nothing to do with God punishing us; we must choose life.

So we have received this structure, this institution called marriage, and it resembles the same life form. When I become born again, I have the life form of God in my spirit. I have the ability to give that life form. I have the ability to replicate that life form. When a man and a woman get married and are physically married, in terms of having intercourse, they have the ability to give life, to have a baby.

So this thing called marriage — and I've explained this to you so many times before — remember, the spiritual world preexisted the physical world. God existed before the physical world existed. The spiritual world existed before the physical world existed. Then God made the physical world. So the superior life form, the superior realm, is the spiritual realm. But when God created the physical realm, He put a lot of things in it that represent the spiritual realm.

Look at the principle of seed. The Word of God is seed. He gave us a principle in the physical that we can understand: if I want the Word to work in the spiritual, there is something I must do, because I can't expect a physical harvest until I've sown a seed. It's the same in the spiritual.

So when He gave us this institution in the physical called marriage, it is not so much the physical thing as the spiritual thing it represents — the intertwined relationship between my life and God's life that gives me the ability to recreate. That is why physical marriage gives me the ability to become one with somebody. As the Word says, you become one flesh. You become one, but it gives you the ability to recreate. At least that was the intention. Who of you are starting to understand how serious this thing called marriage is? Are you getting a picture of how serious this is?

God multiplies in the earth through His oneness with us. I don't have enough time — I'm going to have to speed up with some of this, because there's a lot I want to get to — but Colossians 1:27 says, "Christ in me is the hope of glory." How significant is that, that God's hope is to be glorified in the earth? Because it says the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of His glory like the waters cover the sea. So there is an expectation for God.

God gave His life form to me, His glory in me, and God wants to express Himself through me. He wants to recreate Himself. You'll have to forgive me, because there's one or two things I have to say in the process, and if it's slightly advanced, don't just reject it. Go and search for yourself in the Word of God. What if there is something you don't know, but you need to hear it tonight in order to change what you are thinking and doing? So renew your mind and open it to the realities the Word of God gives us: the glory of God is inside of me. Colossians 1:27 says this is the mystery, that this glory in me is the hope for God to be glorified, and God wants to fill the earth.

Now I have to say something that may be advanced for people who haven't heard it before, but you understand what Christianity is all about. Christianity is all about Ephesians 4, that we will build the body of Christ. When the body of Christ comes to its perfection, it says we come to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, to a perfect man. Our purpose is to build Christ, which is the Church, unto massive authority in the earth. Don't think Christians are meant to be this minor thing that just continues on earth while everybody steps on them. No. Christianity, remember Daniel's vision, the rock not carved by hands that comes and destroys that big statue with all the different kingdoms — it will destroy it. Christianity is meant to come into authority on earth. The body of Christ — go read Ephesians 4 — until we all come to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

So when we talk about what is inside of us and the glory that is in us — even John 17:22-23, Jesus said to the Father, "The same glory You gave Me I gave them." And not only did He give us that glory, He said, "So that the world may know." We are meant to. And before I repeat the whole of Purpose Series — the fact that church looks a certain way doesn't mean it's Christianity, doesn't mean it's the way it's meant to look. Christianity is a life form and a purpose. Christianity is not church and a religion and a set of rules. Christianity is meant to manifest God in this world, and we are all living stones. He wants to live through me, through you, and put us all together, because He is so big that He can't express His fullness through one being. He needs all of us together, so that we can come to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, and when we come to that point, Jesus will come.

So it is not a nice-to-have; it is critical. And now, coming back to the point: marriage is the structure God gave us to be able to fulfil that purpose. So if we are talking as Christians, based on Christian values, it is the most critical component and structure we have on earth to fulfil our purpose in life. Not just, "We look in each other's eyes and it's only stars, we love each other, let's get married." Feeling good and getting married for that reason is the wrong reason to get married. You get married firstly to fulfil your purpose, because that is what God wants. He wants to recreate Himself in this earth so that He can flood this earth with His glory, so that He can bring the body of Christ, which is the body of God, to perfection, so that Jesus can come. So this is some serious stuff we're talking about. You thought you just came for the 'let's look in each other's eyes and get married' kind of thing. Okay, there's more to it. Say to your neighbour, "There's more to it." Say to your other neighbour, "There's more to it."

Can I just quickly read Ephesians 4:13? I've referred to it so many times, so let's just quickly read it.

“Till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.”

Ephesians 4:13 (NKJV)

That is our purpose. That is our purpose on earth. Now we have to understand, when we talk about how this body will be built — the way God gave it to us was not necessarily, like I said, that we're all just individual living stones, but the structure God gave to make it possible was families.

Why do you think that is the number one thing that Satan attacks? Just put your feet underneath your chairs so that I don't step on toes. Is that okay? If I step on your toe, it's not my fault. I think Satan is doing a pretty good job. Getting more than fifty percent of people to divorce, in my books, doesn't show up on the scorecard as if Christianity is winning. Now, there are a lot of reasons for it, which starts with lack of knowledge.

The Bible says in Hosea 4, in the Old Testament, that My people suffer and perish due to lack of knowledge. If we don't understand how significant marriage is, how I am meant to conduct myself in marriage, how I enter marriage, what the purpose of marriage is, then that lack of knowledge will make me perish. I have already painted the picture for you of how terrible it is, all the physical implications and the results of people ending up in divorce and being caught up in these terrible situations where they live every day in a nightmare.

It's terrible physically. But there is something more terrible than that, and that is that we are not fulfilling our purpose. There's something more important than the physical: spiritually, if we don't get marriage as a structure right, if we don't get family as a purpose right, we will continue to see the results that we are seeing. And it's not God's intention, because the Bible clearly states God does not want one person to go to hell.

But it's not about religion, it's about a life form. It's about manifesting God. When people look at us, they need to see God. It needs to be real. So if every second one of us gets divorced, how will people look at us and say, "Yo, that's amazing. I love the God that you serve, the only living God. I also want to be like you"? So that their lives can end up in divorce?

There's something wrong with that picture, so we need to get it right. We need to understand how serious this is, that it links with God's purpose. We need to understand that family is the building block, and the reason it is family and not individuals is because of the structure that operates within a family, and that structure resembles how God functions towards us. A family is meant to be a husband and a wife, man and woman.

That is what it's meant to be according to the Word of God, and that man is meant to be the father in that family. He's meant to be the spiritual leader, the spiritual authority in that marriage. That is how God designed it. Now, the one thing we have to agree on is that there must be some common ground for us to build on, and I assume, seeing that you are still here, that we have the Word of God as common ground.

So it's not about experience even. Experience is not superior to the Word of God. If the Word of God tells me something and I've never seen it in my life, it doesn't make a difference. The Word of God is still the authority. I have to hold on to that. So if the Word of God is our common ground, we need to say, "Okay, but then it's not about my opinion. It's not about my feelings. It's not about fighting for women's rights." Now I'm stepping on a lot of toes.

When it becomes truly quiet, then you know you've hit a nerve. We need to fight for God's rights. We need to fight for God's purpose. When we do that, everything else shall follow. So we need to get back to how God designed it, and the way He designed it is with that building block called family, and that is why families are so critical, and that is why Satan will continue to do whatever he can to get between a husband and wife and get them divorced.

Because if he gets that right, he has broken down one building block that is meant to build up the body of Christ. Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying if you are not married you are not part of the body, or that you cannot build it up, or play a role. I'm just saying there's a way that God designed it, and His purpose is family, His structure is family, and in that family the father needs to come into his position.

I'm not going to talk about that tonight, because that's a topic on its own. You can send me a mail if you want; maybe we can arrange a Saturday or a weekend and do a men's thing and talk about that. But that's one of the major issues we have: the fact that men don't take up their position as father and spiritual leader in their house. I'm not going to touch on that now, for the sake of time. The thing about a family is that God gives a family, together, a purpose.

He makes that whole family a building block with which He can build. That is why when a man and a woman come together, they become one. It is more than what we think in the flesh. That becoming one is like becoming one brick that you can build with within the body, and when they have children, the children are part of that family until they move out. That's why it says the husband will leave his father and his mother and start a new building block. That's why he leaves them. But until he leaves them, he's part of that building block.

So we have to understand the significance of every single healthy family, based on a healthy family structure with the father playing his role spiritually. It is not a nice-to-have. It is critical for us in order to fulfil our purpose. From the beginning, when God looked at Adam He realised, "This oke is going to fish all the time. I must get somebody that can check up on him." So He put Eve there and said, "Let's help him."

That helper was always meant to form a unit and a support, vice versa. So even in a family structure, we must understand that when the family functions the way it should, it will reach a much higher potential than what people can reach individually on their own. The synergistic benefit — one plus one is three — that is what a family gives you. It becomes strong. Even the Bible, in the Old Testament, says that if one walks and he falls, how will he get up? But if he's got somebody with him, they can pick him up. Then it says a threefold cord is not easily broken.

When family structures function the way they should, they will be indestructible. That was God's intention, and when family units are indestructible, they will do what they should be doing to build up the body of Christ. Check with your neighbour — ask, "Are you still with us?"

Now, in that same context, there was something that God intended. There's an Afrikaans saying, "Uit die oog, uit die hart." I don't know the English translation. Is there something in English? Out of sight, out of mind. Okay, well, thank you — I've got eight people here that have it nailed.

What God intended — and listen to this carefully, because it's very important — is that the purpose of the wife and the purpose of the husband towards each other is to continuously show each other God, in case we feel far from Him, or we don't see Him, or we start doubting. The intention is that the wife is meant to show the husband God, that there is a reminder. The help that the wife was meant to provide was not, "I'm watching rugby, bring my beer." It was, "Continue to remind me and show me God, so that I know what my purpose is." That is significant, and that's where many marriages already fall off the bus, because people get married for the wrong reasons.

And not only for the wrong reasons — they conduct it not in the way God designed it. If you want to drive your Porsche with your lawnmower two-stroke, it's not going to be too happy, because it wasn't designed that way. If we want to function in the ultimate way, we need to function the way God designed us. And if this is one of the things that are critical, we need to show each other God. We need to direct each other to God.

Women, ladies, your number one purpose is to direct your husband to God, not to tell him where to put the nails. Direct him to God. Make sure that he's focused on God. Make sure that his number one priority is God. Because if you get that right, it'll be hugely beneficial to you, and it'll be hugely beneficial to the body of Christ.

In marriage, by default, when we talk about the body of Christ, when we talk about God as a whole, marriage in its smallest form represents how that structure should function. And I'm just going to state it, because there's actually a whole path to get there, but we must understand that one of the most significant points we need to arrive at in life is that I don't live for myself anymore. It's not about me.

It's not about me. It's firstly about God. But practically, it means it's firstly about the body of Christ, which means I must put the body first, which means I must put other people first. I'm not saying don't have boundaries. I'm not saying let people walk all over you — that is not necessarily God's intention. But in terms of my priorities and my function, I should put the body of Christ first. That's one of the biggest things.

I see people come so far spiritually in terms of all the revelation and all the teaching and all the rest, coming to all those points of realisation of spiritual truths and realities. But then the one thing that remains lacking at the end — and I'm sure that's why we have 1 Corinthians 13, which says even if you do all of these things but you don't have love, it's empty. And what is love? Love is sacrificial. Love is doing based on what your needs are, not because it suits me.

Love is not giving you that which I don't need, and giving it when it suits me. I give based on what your needs are. Maybe it's something I don't want to give, but I give it because of a conviction that you need it, and you need it right now, and maybe it's even inconvenient for me, but I give it. That is love. That is sacrificial. And that is the final point, which I believe is what everything is about: putting other people first will put the body first, and will move us forward to establish the Kingdom of God on earth.

So dying to myself and living for other people — that's why marriage is referred to as, in a self-centred world, an other-centred structure. Where the whole world is about me, myself and I and my desires, marriage is other-person centred. Immediately, that is different from how many of us have lived our whole lives.

Because we have learned to fight for ourselves. We have learned to accumulate. We have learned to make sure that my future is sorted out — I take care of myself, because if I don't, nobody else will. That's why the body of Christ looks the way it does, because it's meant to be other-person centred, and because the family and the marriage are the building block, that's where it starts. That is why, in simple terms, we say, "Ladies, when you get married, you give away all your rights."

Are you sure you still want to get married? It's not much different for the husband. When you get married, you must understand your focus is your wife. I'll put it in context just now, but that's where it starts. It's an other-centred union in a me-centred world.

If I talk about the practical execution of some of the knowledge I'm going to give you now, understand that I'm very careful about this topic, seeing that many of you didn't attain Purpose, but not every church looks the way it should. There are many churches caught up in religion, in man-made structures. When I refer to religion, I refer to man-made rules, a man-made structure, an organisation with top-down hierarchy, sets of rules, positions and titles, and some people being more important than others.

The church is meant... Now, the Bible, where it talks about church, either refers to the body of Christ, which is actually the church — not a building or an organisation. And then, on the other hand, when it talks about Paul writing to this church and to that church, he's talking about communities. That is the aspect which I certainly believe we need to move back to in terms of what church means: communities.

It is faith communities. And the amazing thing — and I don't have time to talk about it tonight, you can listen to the Purpose Series — is that there is an amazing move by the Holy Spirit around the world for people to move back to communities where there is relationship, where there is one-to-one interaction, where they get together the way it's described in Acts 2:46:

“So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart.”

Acts 2:46 (NKJV)

That community is made up of family units. Family units are meant to get together to form a community, and in that community there will be leaders, spiritual leaders, who start standing up — but it's just a natural way. Like somebody described it, it's just doing life together. It becomes a lifestyle, a way of living. It's not separated, where we go to church for an hour on Sunday and call that church, and when I'm there for that hour then I'm a Christian. It's meant to be a lifestyle throughout, whereby we take care of each other, and that's why the family unit is so critical — because that family unit needs to come together with other family units and start building a community.

And here's some of the things I want to get to now that are very practical. Within that community, we need to take care of each other, whether physically, spiritually, emotionally, whatever it is — we need to take care of each other. Now, I'm going to jump the gun a bit, and I'll maybe touch on it again at the end. But if we talk about all this knowledge I'm going to share with you now, about how the wife should conduct herself, how the husband should conduct himself, and then what? How do we live it? The idea is that in a community, a faith community specifically, where we love each other, where we are transparent, where we are authentic, where we take care of each other, we will help each other to be able to do it.

Those of you who attended Purpose will know there is something I feel very strongly about in the context of family and faith communities, and that is accountability groups, whereby you make yourself accountable to two or three other people. You decide what you want to do — nobody tells you what to do — but you decide, "This is what I want to change in my life. This is what I'm struggling with." And you make yourself accountable to two or three other people, and then they will pray with you, they will assist you, they will help you, and then you will achieve it or overcome it. That's the thing we have missed — why family units are not building to the strength they should, why faith communities are not building to the strength they should. Because if you put all the faith communities together, it forms the body of Christ.

But that is the purpose we are meant to get to. So again, talking about relationships, talking about marriage, we need to understand where it fits in. Even if you have all the knowledge in the world about how a marriage should function, my question is still: will you be able to do it? And I can tell you emphatically, if you try to do it on your own, you will fail. You need people around you that you make yourself accountable to. We have seen it in the last year, the results it's had in people's lives, because it's part of the lies from Satan that I am accountable to nobody.

Why is it that in many big church organisations things go wrong at the end, by the people in the top structures? They mess things up in big ways. Why? Because they're not accountable to anybody. They can do whatever they want — they're above the law. It's not meant to be that way. We are meant to be accountable to each other.

So I have to say, "I have died to myself. My life" — it says, "Christ in me, He's living through me. My purpose is now Christ; He's alive in me" — which means the body of Christ comes first, which means I have to make myself accountable to you. I cannot just do whatever I want. I need to be sure that I've got somebody else — not telling me what to do, but that I can at least say, "Look, I'm struggling with this. Help me." And we've seen the results of that with people who started doing it, who had major challenges in their lives and overcame them because they were willing to make themselves accountable. So we need to get this thing called church right, and we'll get it right starting with relationships, moving into marriage, moving into family units, moving into faith communities, whereby we always keep our eyes on Jesus.

The Word says, "Look away from everything in the world unto Jesus, the author and the finisher of our faith." It's all about Him, but we need to practically live it. It doesn't help that we just do lip service. I can't just every day say, "God, I love you." Do you realise that you can only love God by loving people? It doesn't help that I say every day, "God, I love you," yet I'm not expressing it physically towards the people around me. So we need to get this thing right. I quickly want to touch on what the wrong reasons are to get married.

I think it's become fairly obvious what the wrong reasons are to get married. Any reason other than to fulfil your purpose is the wrong reason. So if you say, "I want to get married because I'm lonely"... I want to get married because I want to be happy — now there's a whole lot of issues with that statement, I'll need all five hours for that. "I want to get married because I'm looking for somebody to complete me" — all of those are the wrong reasons. Now, those were still the easy ones. "I want to marry because I love him."

Sounds so noble. Do you realise that nowhere in the Word of God does it say, "Marry the person that you love"? It says, "Love the person that you marry." Love is not a feeling. Life is a decision. Love is a decision, and that decision is actually to sacrifice yourself. That is why Jesus was our example. If you want to love, you sacrifice yourself. You die to yourself.

Until you die to yourself properly, you cannot live in love. Love is not a feeling, and that is why I'll talk about the test of whether you are ready to get into marriage, or whether you still want to get into marriage. We'll talk about that just now. But you have to have a conscious decision that you are not entering into marriage because the other person is going to make you happy and keep you happy, because that's the expectation. People walk into marriage, they sit back, and they say, "Now this person is going to make me happy." Not going to work.

The right reason – you know the scripture very well, but I'm going to use it in this context.

“Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)

What is excluded from "all things"? Who can quickly give me an example of what is excluded from all things? Anybody. Is relationships excluded? Is marriage excluded? So it's very simple. I love the Word of God. I love the Holy Spirit. I love God, because in actual fact things are so simple. It is us that complicate things, but these things are simple. God just says, you want a happy marriage, you want your list of fifty items that you want from marriage – God says very simply, "You want those fifty? Just seek one, and you'll have the other fifty."

But we say, "No, no, no, God, I first want at least thirty-five of them. Then when I have the thirty-five, then I'll do the other one." And then the relationship doesn't work, and the marriage doesn't work. I say this very respectfully – I'm not insensitive. Believe me, God has given me a heart for people. But then the people sit in front of me, and they are crying, and everything has fallen apart, and they want to kill each other, and they say, "But God, why is God not doing something?" He can't. If He could contravene the spiritual laws that He put in place, He would not be God.

He put spiritual laws in place. Those spiritual laws work. That's why He says it's more blessed to give than to receive – it's a spiritual law. It must work. If you do it, it will work. The condition depends on what is in your heart. It's not the physical thing; it is what it represents from your heart. So this is the thing: you want your marriage to work? It is very simple. Seek first the Kingdom of God. So very practically speaking, if your intention in entering a relationship is not to put God first, to live your purpose first, don't expect things to work the way God designed them, because you are going exactly against it.

So it is very simple, if you start on that foundation. Now – let's be authentic and transparent here – it is not that simple. Very few of us get up one morning and just say, "I've died to myself, and I just live for God and other people in every single thing I do." If there are some of you who get it right, please come and help me. But once we have the knowledge, and we have the desire, then we are halfway there, and then you surround yourself with the right people who can help you achieve that.

So we must first agree: to have a successful marriage – and when we talk about a successful marriage, I'm also going to start using the word purposeful marriage, because how do you define happy? How do you define successful? We should be talking about a purposeful marriage. It takes a bit of the romantic side out of it, but maybe it's a good place to start, to understand: I need to enter into this with the purpose of fulfilling the plan that God has for my life. So you should not marry the man or the woman who is not going to help you fulfil your purpose.

It's all about God, which means you had better make sure that you marry the right person. This thing – first seek the Kingdom of God. If you do that first, your marriage will work, unless you think you have a better plan than God. Who of you has a better plan than God? Then you must share it with us, because then you would become God if you had a better plan. Okay, so let's quickly talk about the way that God has made this thing called marriage to function.

I've already said to you it simulates the relationship between us and Christ, and that's why many of these verses actually refer to it. Let me give you one verse. It's sort of starting with the end again, but maybe it will show you something.

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Ephesians 5:31 (NKJV)

I want you to get a bigger picture. I'm not talking about the lower-level truths now; we'll maybe cover that. I want you to see the bigger picture of what this is all about. Building block – say with me, building block. So there's the building block. Let's go to verse thirty-two.

“This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

Ephesians 5:32 (NKJV)

Can you see now why the previous verse talks about a man and a woman coming together, and then he says all of a sudden, "But I'm talking about Christ"? Because of the building block. He says a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one building block. This is the great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. We are building Christ in the earth by every unity that gets formed.

I wanted to give you that, which is the end, so that you have it in the back of your mind when we talk about these principles – the submission and all of that, which is like the sensitive topics. But if you have perspective about what it's all about, then it will not be the sensitive topics.

So let's go to 1 Peter 3, from verse one.

“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.”

1 Peter 3:1 (NKJV)

Let's go through that slowly. Wives, likewise – talking about Christ, which is in the preceding verses – wife, likewise be submissive to your own husbands. That means only your own husband; it's not every man you need to be submissive to. You are submissive to your own husband, that even if some do not obey the word – they are not responding to the word – they, without a word, may be won. I'm sure God has a sense of humour, telling the woman to convert their husbands without a word. Ladies, it's possible. Say with me, it's possible. Men, you can thank me later.

It says, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives. That is amazing. Can you see the bigger picture? We must show God to each other. We must direct each other to God. So it says, ladies, be submissive. I'm going to tell you a few things about this submissive thing where the world has twisted it, but what we need to understand is there's a purpose with it. It's not "carry the beer and the chips so I can watch rugby."

There's a bigger purpose to it. It says be submissive – why? Because he is not obeying the word. Through my being submissive, I am taking him back. I am showing him the word. I am showing him Christ. Maybe the husband says something against the woman which is not nice; the woman responds submissively – not because she's an inferior being, not because she is less important, but because he is not obeying the word. Her conduct will show him Jesus Christ, and that will change him.

That's why it says, even if some of them do not obey the word, but without a word from his wife, they may be won by the conduct of their wives. Can you see where the challenge is? Can you see where Matthew 6:33 fits in? If I continue to put myself first and say, "No man speaks to me that way," can you see the problem? I am not directing him to God – talking now about me as a woman, as the wife.

I'm not directing him to God, which is what my purpose is. God created you as the helper – not as an inferior or subordinate being, but as a helper to continue to make sure that your husband sees God. Have you got any idea what a massive responsibility that is? So if you go into a relationship, and into marriage, that is why I'm saying you are giving away your rights. It is not "no man will ever speak to me that way." It is, "I am going to show you Jesus Christ."

"I'm going to show you love. I'm going to be submissive, because when I do that, my conduct will convert him, and through doing that I am building up the body of Christ." I can stand on my rights. I can have ten reasons why it's justified for me to react in a different way. If it's not showing him to God, if it's not changing him, I am breaking down the body of Christ. I am not building it up. It's not about me. It's about God. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.

I think it's the biggest thing left for us. That's why I said it's easy to say, "Yeah, I've just died to myself, I stand up every day and now I just live for everybody else." It's not easy, because your human nature keeps saying to you, "Fight for yourself, because nobody else will. When he speaks to you that way, tell him, 'No man speaks to you that way.' Your father taught you no man will ever speak to you that way." And you will feel good, but you're breaking down the body of Christ. So the question is, once we have all this knowledge, will you be willing to do what it takes, what God has sent you for? It's not a small thing. It's not easy.

1 Corinthians 7:10 – you don't have to go there, I'll send you the verses as well. It goes as far as to say that, woman, if you are married to somebody, you are a believer, you are born again, and you are married to somebody who is not born again, it still says you must submit to him. One would think, "That doesn't make sense; surely you would only submit to somebody if they have Christ in them." No, the Word says you submit to him even if he's not born again, because your conduct will convert him.

Now, having said that, remember the Word is also very clear – and I see this so many times with the young people, and I pray to God that they realise the realities and the truths that we should be walking in. The Bible says to you, lady, if you are born again, you cannot marry somebody who is not born again. Doesn't matter how much you can justify it. I see it so many times: they keep believing that he will convert, that he will change. The Bible says you cannot marry that man if he's not born again. Cannot. If you are in that situation currently, your conduct will convert him. But you can't start out knowing that from the beginning and just do it anyway.

It continues:

“When they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel.”

1 Peter 3:2-3 (NKJV)

That's the fear of God, not the fear of your husband – the fear of God. Ladies, yes, we like it when you dress well and look good, but if you really want to do us a favour, there is something much more important than that: to be a God-fearing woman, acting based on what the Word says you must do.

“Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

1 Peter 3:4 (NKJV)

Now that's a mouthful. Go and spend time on that on your own – I'll send you all the verses afterwards. The hidden person of your heart – what is truly going on in your heart? And that starts with your relationship with God. You cannot give what you do not have.

Do not think you are going to act as a God-fearing woman towards your husband if you yourself never spend time with God. You need to build your relationship with God. He needs to be so real to you – so overwhelmingly real – that it becomes easy to submit to your husband even when he's wrong. Because remember, that is what the Word says. The Word doesn't say your husband needs to deserve it. That is how most women live.

Your husband doesn't need to deserve that you submit to him. He doesn't have to do things right for you to submit to him. The Word just says submit, disregarding – huge difference. But how will you do it? You will not be able to do it from the flesh. You need to do it with the ability of the Holy Spirit.

“But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you.”

Acts 1:8 (NKJV)

It will be beyond your own ability. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart, the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

That is beauty. But men, can I just say on that point – because we are talking about the woman here, we'll get to you now – but can you see, men, what should be attracting you? Not the previous verse, not the adornment by merely outward things – arranging the hair, wearing gold, putting on fine apparel. It says, "Rather, let it be," and then these are the things that should attract you. When you are looking at a woman, the things that should attract you are the hidden person of the heart, the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

If you go for the short mini, only to realise afterwards there's no gentle and quiet spirit, I wash my hands. So often men go for the woman who has the beauty, the figure, the looks, and maybe sometimes even the money. The reality is none of that is sustainable. It is not. A woman can be as beautiful as she wants – no man can stay with her indefinitely if she's got a terrible personality.

She can't. The beauty will attract, unless you have these people – and I've seen it, even some of my clients when I was in the audit practice, they live this superficial life where the wife by the side is the model, just for the image for everybody. And then, when that model doesn't attract enough attention anymore, they just replace her with the next one. It's not sustainable. So make your decision for the right reasons, and that's the internal beauty.

Can I just say one or two practical things to the woman before I move on to the other verses. There are some things you need to understand as women in terms of conduct towards your husband. And remember, most of you sitting here are not married, but you need to know all of this, because I've had many couples who have stayed together for six years, then they come to me wanting to get things right, and now they want to marry. That's great, but the thing is, for six years they've formed a certain way of living together and a certain way of interacting. You don't all of a sudden wake up tomorrow morning and say, "Okay, now we are physically married, now we do things differently."

It's not going to happen. You have already formed the pattern. Yes, through hard work, through the ability of the Holy Spirit, it can change, but it's much better to start these things right. That means from the day you enter – even before that. When you enter into that relationship, before you get to marriage, these principles should already be in place. Let's say God says, "This is your husband, you must marry this person." Now you enter into a relationship for six months or a year, because you're going to get married in a year.

You can't for that year do whatever you want in terms of your interaction, and then when you get married say, "Okay, now we're going to do it the way the Word prescribes." Because you've already established all the wrong patterns, and to then change it is not going to be simple. That is why even those of you who are not in a relationship should know these things, because when you enter that relationship, you should apply these things from day one.

So just some practical things. Ladies, I've said this many times before: a man was designed to destroy everything that opposes him. It is that instinct for survival. So if you oppose your husband, don't expect any different result. That is why the Word says, "Be submissive to your husband." God knows better – say with me, God knows better. If we think we know better than Him, then we end up in the situations that people end up in.

He knows better, and that's why He says, "Wife, submit," because He knows that if you challenge your husband, oppose him, arrest him, resist him, the way he internally starts responding is that he wants to destroy you. It's a strong word, but you understand the principle. He's going to come against you, because that's just how he was designed, to make sure that he survives. So it's not worth it.

On the other hand, a man was designed – and that's why, because of his position in a family, as head of that family and the spiritual leader – to be lifted up, especially in the family context. When a wife speaks to a husband in front of the children especially, she must lift him up, she must edify him, and his spirit will respond to it.

If you put him down in front of the children, don't expect good results, not even from the flesh. These are spiritual laws. Just lift him up. Edify him. That is why you need to show him God; you need to be submissive. The more you do it, the more conviction he has in his spirit, and the more he will start being the husband you want him to be. The ironic thing – and I'll say this to both sides – is that we play a significant role in what our partner looks like.

If you, as a woman, keep complaining about your husband, I want to ask you, are you doing these ten basic things? Because if you are doing these ten basic things, I tell you, you will have a different husband. You will, because these are spiritual laws, and they always work. But if you'd rather say, "No, no, no, nobody speaks to me this way," it will have a certain result in your life. A woman challenging her husband is heading for disaster, not only because she's working against her husband, but because she's working against the spiritual laws, because the spiritual law says submit.

The spiritual law doesn't say challenge your husband. I'm not saying it's easy. Nobody said it's easy. I'm just telling you what works, and you must decide whether you are willing to do what works. Say with me: it's all about what works. It's all about what works.

Now remember, and I'm going to talk about this now, Ephesians 5:21 says, "Submitting to one another in the fear of God." You only submit to the husband because of the fear of God and the acknowledgement of God in his life, but I'll talk about that just now because I need to mention some things.

Men, I quickly want to talk about something more relevant to you.

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)

So God's sense of humour continues. He says, "Husband, likewise, dwell with them with understanding." Understanding a woman, really. Sjoe. I'm sure He should have said pretend to understand or something like that.

He says, "Giving honour to the wife as to the weaker vessel." So men, you have a responsibility to protect your wife, to love your wife, to acknowledge that she is the weaker vessel in the sense of the physical. Women are just not on the same level of strength and ability as a man, because we were designed for different things physically, but your responsibility is to protect that person, to protect the woman, to respond and honour her – not to say, "Man, I can't believe you got this wrong again. When are you going to get this right?" That's not honouring her. You need to acknowledge her and respond in love.

Now, remember there's the physical, but everything I'm focusing on now, because I'm obviously not covering all the verses – I'll mail all of it to you – what I'm covering here is the spiritual aspect behind it, and that is what I'm focusing on tonight: it's not a set of basic physical rules that we just apply. Yes, even people with no knowledge who apply those physical rules will see results, but the reality is, if we understand the spiritual law that it represents, we understand it will always work.

It might take time, but it will always work. It might take time for the simple reason that the other person still needs to choose, but if there is enough pressure – if you intercede for your husband, if you continue to intercede for your husband and continue to have your conduct according to what the Word prescribes – it will only be a question of time, and your husband will change. We're sitting with many testimonies among the people here who can testify to that.

Coming back to the husbands, we have this responsibility. It says, "As heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." Here's a spiritual implication: if you don't honour your wife as the weaker vessel, if you don't treat her with respect, if you don't love her, there is something that hinders your prayers. Wow. Can you understand that? That is significant.

Now, I want to tell you something that, if you understand it even only figuratively, will change your life. When you become married, see this figuratively in context: your channel to and from God becomes your partner. Now, how will that change your conduct? It is not 100% correct, not literal, but the reality of it is true in the sense that you can already see from the two verses here that there are some things at work. Remember, when I say the spiritual laws behind how you conduct yourself, it is not God in person who comes and responds to everything you do.

He puts spiritual laws in place, like I've explained before, like gravity. If you walk off that balcony, gravity is going to work against you. Currently, standing here, gravity is working for me – I'm staying in one place. It's the same with spiritual laws: they just work. So if I respond to my wife in a certain way, there are spiritual laws that work for me. If I respond in a different way, they work against me. So I need to start understanding that in a lot of aspects, my spouse becomes a channel through which I access and receive from God.

That should change our minds in terms of how we see them and how we respond.

Who's still with us? Most of you. So there's something I want to mention overall regarding what we are talking about, and that is: you have to understand that what we are talking about from the Word of God are principles. It is not rules. I've already said to you, it's not about condemnation, it's not about judgment, it's not even about sin. Why is it not about sin? Because Jesus paid for every single sin.

Whatever sin you have done, are doing, and will do, Jesus paid for it – paid for already. Sin cannot separate you from God any more. That doesn't mean sin doesn't have implications in your life, and that's why it's advisable not to walk in sin, but it can never separate you from God, because with Jesus you receive the gift of righteousness. That means when God looks at you, He cannot see sin. But because of spiritual laws at work, sin will have implications in your life. That's not what we are talking about here. We are talking about the principles and the spiritual laws that are at work, and that we need to acknowledge them, not a set of rules.

So that means – don't condemn yourself if you don't get it right all the time. That's not the idea. If you get it right nine out of ten times, and now you condemn yourself over the one time you spoke back against your husband, or the husband didn't love his wife or honour her, or whatever – it's not about that. It's principles. We are not under the law any more. Jesus fulfilled the law. You are not under the law. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

So understand, we are talking about principles, because if we were to talk about rules, do you know what the rules would sound like? You want to hear the rules? Here they are.

The female always makes the rules. The rules are subject to change without notice. No male can possibly know all the rules. If the female suspects the male knows the rules, she must immediately change some of them.

The female is never wrong. If it appears the female is wrong, it's only because of a misunderstanding caused by something the male did or said wrong, and if this is the case, the male must apologise immediately for causing this misunderstanding.

The female can change her mind at any time. The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

The female must under no circumstances let the male know when she wants him to be angry or upset. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. What is important is what the female meant, not what she said.

If the male doesn't abide by these rules, it's because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp. If the male at any time believes he is right, he must refer to rule five, which says the female is never wrong.

Now, can you see why we don't want rules? We prefer the principles.

Okay, so Ephesians 5:22-33. I'm not going to read all of it.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

Ephesians 5:22 (NKJV)

Now, I'm going to dive a little bit deeper into what I mentioned, and that is seeing your spouse as a channel between you and God. It says, "Wives, submit to your husband as unto the Lord." Why does it say you do something towards your husband, but actually you are doing it towards God? It's actually not your husband you are reacting to; you are reacting towards God, because it is a spiritual law.

A picture that God showed me seven years ago was this principle, which makes it easy for me to look at it this way – and it works both ways, but specifically now in terms of this submissiveness, in terms of the wife responding to the husband. When the wife responds to the husband, he must be as if he is made of glass. He is transparent, and all she sees is Jesus standing behind him.

So if you respond to your husband – I don't know who of you have done some fighting and different skills, but they always teach you that when you punch, you punch as if you are punching about this far behind the person. Not a good example in this context, but so when you look at your husband, assume that he's transparent, like glass, and Jesus is standing behind him. So when you respond, you respond as if you are talking to Jesus. That thing you told him last night – would you love saying that to Jesus? It might change how we react if we have this mentality that says, "Submit to your own husbands as unto the Lord."

And here's the core of why that is relevant – this is one of those key things you need to get. When you respond that way to your husband, as unto the Lord, and you submit to him, you allow Jesus to be able to intervene in the situation, because you are empowering him in the situation. If I can put it this way, you are making him God in the situation.

When you respond to your husband in a different way, and you say, "I'll give you a piece of my mind," and you maybe even hit him with a pan – you know what really happens, and it sounds very harsh, but this is the reality, and if you understand this, I'm sure it'll change some things: you make yourself God. That is what happens. You say, "God, You are not enough to take care of my situation. God, Your Word is not enough to take care of my situation. I will sort this one out. God, You and Your Word, You stand there – let me, I know better, let me sort out this one." And that is why it produces the wrong results.

It was never, ladies, that submitting to your husband was about the submission to your husband. It was about acknowledging God, and that's where the world messed up this concept of submission. It's not about an inferior position or inferior acting or anything like that. All it is, is acknowledging God. So if you can submit to your husband and acknowledge that God is God, acknowledge that His Word will do what it says, if you respond that way, you allow God and all His ability to function in your marriage, and that is why it will always work.

I can tell you now, I said in the beginning, take some people as an example where the marriages are really working. I can tell you – I'm not talking about God per se now, I'm talking about the interaction between the human beings – I can tell you one of the number one reasons the marriage works is because the woman submits to the husband, which allows God to manifest Himself in that marriage. So understand what this is talking about.

“For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body.”

Ephesians 5:23 (NKJV)

Remember I gave you that context, that I started with the end so that you would understand? This is all now starting to talk about the body of Christ.

“Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

Ephesians 5:24 (NKJV)

Again, it's getting that parallel. Here's Christ – remember, the Bible refers to Christ as both the body and the head. So Jesus, if I can simplify it, is the head, but also referred to as Christ, whereas the body is also Christ. So now it says, "Therefore, just as the church" – which is the body now – "is subject to Christ," the way that the body is subject to the head, that same structure gets duplicated: "so let the wives also be to their husband."

Because what is happening? If you talk about Christ as being the body, with the head and the body, every single marital structure becomes a small Christ. Because every small Christ – every marriage, every family structure – becomes a Christ, and put together makes up the big Christ.

That is why He continues to say, if you want to see how it should function – it gets to the husband: how should you love your wife? You love your wife the same way that Jesus loved the church. He gave Himself for the church. That is how you should love your wife – not what you can get out of it, not what suits you. The example we have in Jesus is that He said, "I'm willing to give everything for you, My bride, My church." That is the example we have. We think the biggest thing is the woman submitting. I can tell you, for husbands to act that way, to love their wives the way that Jesus loves the church, is equally challenging.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.”

Ephesians 5:25-26 (NKJV)

Remember I already said to you – listen to this verse again. It says, "That He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the Word." We play a role, and I keep using this because it's more relevant in terms of my exposure – women talk more easily about challenges they have at home. There are very few husbands who will talk about the issues; they will go sit in the pub, drink a few beers, say "Hi buddy," and that's it – then they've sorted out everything. The woman will sit for two hours explaining to her best friend how her husband is not loving her any more.

Now, what I want to say to you about this: woman, be careful what you say about your husband. Be careful. If you want to say something about your husband, say something good, because – and it works both ways – we play a role in what we manufacture in the person we are married to. So if you keep sitting with your friends telling them how terrible your husband is, do you really think your husband is going to change? He's not going to change because you keep speaking about how terrible he is.

I'm not saying if there are problems you can't speak about it. But then you go to somebody who is going to counsel you, or your accountability group, and you say, "Okay, look, this is my issue." You state the issue, and you say, "Okay, what is the solution?" The solution is: we're going to pray for him, I'm going to intercede for him, and this is what we're going to do, and they help you to do it. If you just complain for the sake of complaining for two hours, and nobody comes to the point of actually saying, "But what is the solution here?" – you are not doing it because you are looking for a solution. You want people to feel sorry for you, and that will be your reward, but your husband will not improve.

So be careful what you say about the other person. Husbands, it applies to you as well, but it just happens less that husbands really speak that much. So we play a role.

“That He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”

Ephesians 5:26-27 (NKJV)

Now, this is a road to get to this point to understand it, but in terms of the body of Christ, we need to understand, remember Ephesians 4: until we get this body to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, unto a perfect man. The Bible says Jesus is coming back for a bride without spot and blemish. So we should not have the mentality that we'll never get to the point where we are perfect.

Our mentality should be that we are going to get the body of Christ unto perfection, because I've got news for you: if you say we will never get it to perfection, you are saying Jesus will never come. So we must have an expectation that we are continuously going to improve things. That means my marriage, that means the body of Christ, and the way that we function. And that's why we get to the end result, and it says, "That He may present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish." So we are working towards something.

“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”

Ephesians 5:28 (NKJV)

Now, remember, I gave you the context already, and this is now where this becomes so significant. This is not just talking about your physical body. Why is he saying that? Because in the body of Christ there is now only one body, and this big Christ is made up of small Christs. And the way that I conduct myself towards my wife or towards my husband, in this case talking about the wife, is like if you take my physical body – I'm doing something against my toe, but I expect the rest of my body not to be affected. So everything becomes this bigger picture. It's now not just my wife; it is this thing that God has intended for us, to build up the body of Christ unto perfection, and we are a small building block in that.

So if I mess it up in the way I continue to act with my wife, I'm shooting myself in the foot, because I'm affecting the body of Christ. It says, "If one suffers in the body, we all suffer." That's why I continue to say, in these end times, what we require to prepare the bride – like Ephesians 4 explains to us – we don't need a few people with individual brilliance who just stand out from the rest in terms of what they do and their ministries, and we start putting them on a pedestal. That is not the solution for the end times.

I'm not saying there aren't people like that who do great work, but what we need is every single person. Ephesians 4 says, "Until every part does its share." You will not get it right. We will not get the body right because we have these few big evangelists who do all the work. We will get it right when every single one sitting here does their part. And that means, if we get the marriage as a structure right – because the way that I even respond to my wife is affecting the body – we're not going to get the body right until I understand what the significance of marriage is. Who's with me? Okay, that's great, so I don't have to repeat it.

“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

Ephesians 5:29-32 (NKJV)

Have it in mind now that we're talking about the body of Christ, but he's talking about marriage.

Do you understand? Marriage is a small Christ; building blocks make a big Christ. If I don't get the small Christ right, the big Christ will not be right. It's just not possible. So it is not a small thing. It is a critical thing for us to get this right.

“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33 (NKJV)

I'm telling you all of this, but remember that doesn't mean God doesn't want us to enjoy marriage. He wants us to enjoy it. It is a joyous thing. You can read Song of Solomon and see the expectation that God has in a marriage, how a man and a woman should enjoy each other and experience joy. In general, God's intention for us, if you read Jeremiah 29:11, is that the thoughts He has for us are to prosper. John 10:10, Jesus came to give us life in abundance. And Psalm 16:11 says:

“You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Psalm 16:11 (NKJV)

In Your presence is fullness of joy. How will I experience fullness of joy in my marriage? The same principle as Matthew 6:33: first seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and everything else shall follow.

I want to talk a bit wider tonight. I think many, or most, people have heard enough about the structure between man and woman, and I've touched on the more important ones, which are submission and love, and I think that's sufficient. So let's quickly talk about priorities.

Just to paint this picture, let me read Luke 17.

“And as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be also in the days of the Son of Man: They ate, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot: They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built; but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all. Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed.”

Luke 17:26-30 (NKJV)

What is that showing us? Marriage is not the first priority. God is the first priority, and we must get that right. If I am in a marriage, or want to enter into one, I still need to put God first, even in that marriage. I'll tell you more about that just now.

“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?”

Matthew 16:26 (NKJV)

If we get perspective, we need to understand that you need to receive eternal life, and it needs to be about God. If you do not receive eternal life and you have a happy marriage for the next thirty years, and then you die and go to hell, what did that marriage help you? You need to receive salvation. You need to put God first in your life, and then marriage is just a component of that. Marriage is not the number one priority.

You need to be sure that you receive salvation. Now, part of what I want to say, which is harsh, is that when you end up marrying the wrong man or woman, it can end up costing you your salvation. I don't know if you're aware, but according to the Word of God, you can lose your salvation, but it doesn't happen by accident. You need to get to a point where you literally denounce God – not just get angry and shout a few things at Him, but come to a point where you denounce Him, where you no longer believe He exists.

The problem, as I mentioned earlier about sin and about being in the wrong marriage – where a woman gets beaten every day and experiences terrible things day in, day out – is that she could end up not believing God exists anymore, because why is He not doing something about it? Can you understand how serious it is if you end up in the wrong marriage? And these things are not theoretical. I can tell you from people I've seen in the last seven years, there are more people going through this than I would like to acknowledge.

Again, in terms of having perspective, we need to understand that we were designed for certain things, and by default our soul cries out to God. That is why it says no man can say he didn't know there is a God, because we were designed to long after Him. Because people don't know what it is they desire, they end up in all the wrong things. That is why many people end up in the wrong relationships – they try to fill the gaps they have with something. Some fill it with continuously being in different relationships, some with alcohol, some with drugs, whatever – people fill it continuously. But they were designed to only fill it with the life and the presence and the love of God, and if people don't have that, they will continue to live an empty life.

So in terms of our priority and perspective, when you want to help somebody else, ensure that they first have salvation. It doesn't help to spend a year trying to solve their marriage, and they still go to hell. They must receive eternal life.

I want to talk quickly about some practical things – some questions one tends to get, such as: when is the right time to marry? How do I know I'm ready to marry? Should I be looking for someone, or will they come to me? Is there only one person that God has in mind?

I'll answer some of these together. There's this question about who is the right one. It's the wrong question. You can't answer a question that is the wrong question. So if you want to ask who's the right one – can I tell you what the right question is?

The right question is: am I willing to do whatever it takes to make a marriage work? So when people come to me and say, "How do I know he's the right one?" I'm not so concerned about whether he's the right one. I'm concerned about whether you are sure you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Forget about whether he's Mr. Right. Let's talk about you. Are you willing to do all of this? And if you are not, what's the sense in getting married? Because you will mess up the marriage.

So instead of worrying and waiting about Mr. Right, get yourself right spiritually, whereby you put God first in your life. If God is not first in your life, there's no reason to enter into a marriage. Did you hear that? And the same applies: there is no reason for you to marry another person who hasn't put God as number one in his life.

So ladies, if you are going to marry a man, ask him, "Am I going to be number one in your life?" And if he says, "Yes, of course, my love," you say, "Sorry, you're not the man for me." He needs to tell you that God is number one. He needs to tell you from day one, "Woman, you are number two in my life. God comes first." If you want to live happily, marry a man who puts God as number one in his life. You will be happily married. Even if you mess up, he will love you and do the right things, and he will make the marriage work. So if you want it to work, get a man who puts God first in his life.

Can I tell you a small secret? Some people have this perception that there is only one person God has destined for you to marry, and if you miss that person, you've missed him. It's a lie. In reality, speaking practically, I'm not saying God doesn't have somebody in mind for you, but if you miss that person for whatever reason, that's not the only one.

What is more important to understand is that if you look at the Bible, and if you look at many cultures in terms of marriage, they decide: you and you, come, you are married. And it works. Nothing about stars in the eyes and "I love you" and feeling something in your stomach. No, it's just you and you, you get married. So the secret is this: if you apply the principles in the Word of God, if you put two people together and they apply the principles in the Word of God, the marriage will work.

So don't be so hung up about whether this is the person God has destined for you, versus whether you are willing to put God first and do whatever it takes. Now, again, I'm just trying to create perspective. I'm not saying God doesn't maybe have somebody specific in mind, but then the Holy Spirit will lead you to that person, which is important. You must, by default – again, accountability groups, faith community – have people who will guide you: when you have a conviction that this is the person God destined for you, get three or four people to pray with you.

You don't have to guess. The Holy Spirit knows what is lying ahead. The Bible says the Spirit of God will show you things to come. So if he is not the husband for you – if he's going to change his life in three years and start drinking and using drugs and beat you up every night – the Holy Spirit will know it now already. And when you pray, and the two or three people with you pray, they will see red lights and say to you, "This is not your husband. Leave him." It is simple. Don't fall for the Hollywood approach – you look in somebody's eyes and it's just love at first sight, and you get married, and then...

I always say, and I've seen many, many couples whose marriages have fallen apart, that none of them, when they stood there in front with the white dress and the nice flowers and their eyes shining, and they put on the rings, thought, "I want to divorce you soon," or "I would want you to beat me every night." None of them had that expectation. So when they sit in front of you now, wanting to kill each other, why? They married the wrong person, or they didn't apply the principles in the Word of God. You can avoid it.

Okay, two or three things that are very practical and linked to each other. When you want to enter into a relationship, first sort out yourself. Too many, especially women, enter into a relationship as a rebound from a previous relationship that didn't work. Now her heart is broken, she's feeling terrible, she doesn't want to be lonely, and she just goes for the first nearest guy that comes along.

So there are basic principles if you want your marriage or relationship to work. Don't enter into a relationship if you yourself, independently, are not sorted out. If it takes you two years after the previous relationship to sort yourself out, then that is what you do. And you don't decide yourself whether you are ready – ask your friends around you. They will tell you quickly, "No, you are not ready." Then you wait. So sort yourself out first. Get yourself in a position where God is first in your life. Sort yourself out in terms of what the principles in a relationship should look like.

When you find somebody you think is going to be your future husband, determine if God is number one in his life. Listen to me carefully: don't think you are going to change him. It's probably one of the highest percentages of messed-up marriages I've sat in front of, where the woman thought she was going to change the husband. Assume that he's going to get twenty percent worse. Assume that, and then decide if you still want to pursue it. Don't assume he will be twenty percent better, because then people make the wrong decisions.

So if God is not number one in his life, you don't enter into a relationship. I'm not saying you can't get together later, but give him a year – let him sort himself out until God is first in his life. When God is first in his life, and God is first in your life, and you are both sorted out, then you enter into a relationship. People who come out of broken relationships tend to use each other as a crutch, and that makes you blind to mistakes. Only a year later you realise, "He's actually not who I thought he was." But it's because you were in a different frame of mind when you entered into that relationship. So make sure you enter into a relationship when you are strong.

Then you are not dependent on the other person to make you happy. Again, one of the biggest mistakes is people thinking that the other person is going to make them happy. They're not going to make you happy. You're going to make yourself happy. It is how you respond, how you react, how you conduct yourself that's going to make you happy, not the other person. If you sit back and wait for that person to make you happy, it's not going to work.

Marriage is not about receiving; it's about giving. If you want your marriage to work, it's not fifty-fifty. Don't believe the lie of fifty-fifty. It's a hundred-hundred. You continue to give so that even if your husband doesn't conduct himself right, through you giving and giving and giving a hundred percent, conducting yourself according to the Word of God, he will change.

That is the biggest mistake in marriages: people see something wrong, and then start confronting the person about it, as opposed to conducting themselves according to the Word of God. Then they keep focusing on that thing – every evening she tells her husband what is wrong, what she doesn't like. Do you think he's going to stay, or do you think the secretary at work is going to start looking not so bad? Conduct yourself according to the Word of God and you will change your husband. You already saw the verses – it says by your conduct he will be converted. Not because you think you are going to do it; you are trusting God. The main thing about making a marriage work is that your conduct shows you trust God. It's easy to say you trust God, easy to say you put Him number one in your life. Show it to me in your conduct. If your conduct doesn't show it, it's not a reality.

I suppose we have to touch on this one: sex before marriage. Is it such a big issue? It's the same thing I said about... well, there's more context to this. Let's first cover the thing about sin. If we refer to it as sin, sin is not your biggest issue. It's like in Christianity and in church, if your church continues to talk about sin all the time, they're missing the point. Jesus paid the price. Sin is not the issue, although it will have implications, and I will never condone people walking in sin, but we need to understand it doesn't separate us from God. So even if you see living together before marriage, or having sex before marriage, as sin, that's not your biggest issue, because Jesus has paid for that, and if you ask Him for forgiveness and mean it, He will forgive it. That's not the issue.

But there's a whole lot of practical issues that come with it – emotional damage, and there is a oneness. The Bible says when you sleep together there is a oneness that takes place, which is not good if you sleep with ten different people and experience this oneness with ten people. And remember, one of the things I have seen physically many times – and I believe it's because of the resemblance of the oneness we have with God – is that sexual intercourse allows demons to transfer from the other person to you. I have seen it. So it is not such a small thing.

The biggest issue is not that the world is old-fashioned, that they're stuck, that they're old-fashioned rules someone made and we say, "We're going to break every rule." The implications for you emotionally, physically, spiritually could be irreversible – the same thing I said about losing your salvation. I have dealt with many people who have been oppressed by Satan and who have been demon-possessed. It is not a life you want to live.

It's not irreversible – somebody can just chase them out. In the name of Jesus you can chase the things out and they will leave, provided the person you are praying for agrees to submit to that. I have prayed for people, commanded the demon to leave, and it doesn't leave, and I ask God why, and He explains that the person has a higher authority over their body than what I have. Then I learned that in some cultures they use these demonic forces for power – they can actually use the power to effect things. These things are real; it's not fiction. Because they know of the power this demon gives them, they don't want it to go. You think everybody will just want demons to go, but then I have to say to them, "You have to decide. Do you want to let that thing go? Because if you don't, I can do nothing about it." That sometimes makes them think, and then they say, "Yes, okay, I want it to go." Then I command it, and it leaves. So it's not irreversible, but why do you want to put yourself at risk through that?

So there are many implications. It's not the sin thing and the connotation with it that's really the issue. And remember as well that for as much as you are staying together and having intercourse, for all intents and purposes, you are married already. It's not the piece of paper that makes you married. So it has implications.

So I'm going to end off. I'll be around in front – if you have any questions, you are welcome to come and chat to me. If not now, you are welcome to also email me. Okay, can I pray for you?

Thank You, Father, in the name of Jesus, for this privilege to be in Your presence and to be able to experience Your Word and receive Your Word. Thank You, Holy Spirit, that You make the Word of God alive in us. Thank You, Holy Spirit, that You give us the strength and the ability to function beyond our own ability, to be able to manifest everything that Your Word speaks about. I pray for every person here, and every person who will listen to this message, Father, that You guide them by Your Spirit, that You strengthen them, that You uplift them. Give them the strength and the desire to live the Word of God, and that it will produce in their lives. I rebuke the work of Satan in their lives.

Thank you, Father, that he cannot steal from them. They will walk in truth, they will walk in reality, and none of his weapons fashioned against them shall prosper. I pray for every relationship, I pray for every marriage. I ask, God, that You bless that relationship, that You bless that marriage, that You send forth Your angels to minister to them, to surround them, to protect them. I pray, Father, for those that are not born again yet, that their hearts will open up to receive eternal life into their spirit and continue to walk in victory.

Thank You, Holy Spirit, that You help us and give us the ability to fulfil our purpose, to prepare the bride for the coming of our Lord Jesus. Thank You, Father, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

If you are not certain that you... Can I quickly ask? Can I take five seconds? Is that okay? Just close your eyes quickly. If you are not one hundred percent certain that you are born again – because we're talking about eternal life, we're not talking about something small – if you're not one hundred percent certain that you've accepted Jesus as Lord of your life and that you are born again and have eternal life in your spirit, can I ask you to just indicate by raising your hand?

I'm not going to make you come to the front. I just want to see. Okay, I see a few hands. Okay, drop those hands. There are quite a number of hands. So I'm going to ask you to quickly pray this after me. I need to be sure that you are born again before you leave here. Everybody can pray with me, just to make it easier for them.

Say: Thank You, Father. Thank You, Father, that You love me so much. That You love me so much. You sent Your Son. You sent Your Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, to die for me. To die for me. I accept Jesus. I accept Jesus as my Saviour. As my Saviour, and Lord of my life.

And Lord of my life. I am born again. I am born again. I am a new creation. I am a new creation. I receive. I receive eternal life. Eternal life into my spirit. Into my spirit. Thank You, Father. Thank You, Father, that You do not leave me alone. That You do not leave me alone. Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, come and fill me. Come and fill me. Come and fill my heart. Come and fill my heart. Come and fill my mind. Come and fill my mind. Come and fill my body. Come and fill my body.

Thank You, Holy Spirit. Thank You, Holy Spirit. You stay inside of me. You stay inside of me, and give me ability. And give me ability beyond myself. Beyond myself. In the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus. Amen. Amen.

If you derived value from this recording, please forward it to many others in order to impact their lives. Every person deserves to be in a purposeful relationship filled with joy and love.